{Overwhelmed}

 

“Let’s think about it over the weekend. I’m okay waiting a few days, even another week before we make our decision,” Husband said.

He wanted me to feel at peace about it too, but I didn’t. Even though I knew it was the right decision, my heart felt like it had been thrown in the blender. Another move? To another new state? Trying to find another new apartment and new church and going through the exhaustion of making new friends?

I said I would think about it over the weekend, but I didn’t. I didn’t really think about it until Monday morning when I ran into this blog post:

So, don’t let anyone tell you that following Jesus will be easy. Don’t believe for a second that being a Christian should be easy. It’s hard, but it’s good. It’s challenging, but it’s rewarding. It’s draining, but so fulfilling.

Because He leads us into places we would never go without Him. Places that are dark and lonely and terrifying. Places that are rich and deep. Places that don’t look anything like our expectations. Places that are amazing. Places that scare the hell out of those around you.

No, it’s not easy. Doing what is right is hard and long and it won’t cost us something–no, it will cost us everything.

I hadn’t sobbed like I did that Monday morning in a really long time. Because that’s when the peace finally came: staring at my computer screen, big tears rolling down my face, realizing that yes, this summer we will be moving to Milwaukee.

Another move, another new state, another new apartment, another new church, trying to make new friends. {I am already cursing the DMV lines we will be standing in.}

In January, I mentioned on Facebook that instead of focusing on New Year’s Resolutions, I was focusing on one word throughout the year. The word I chose was “Overwhelmed." At that time we were already thinking about this move, and I was looking at my calendar thinking, “Another baby, my first book, and moving out of state. What the heck.”

My mom and sisters agreed, “Sounds like a recipe for postpartum depression.”

“Overwhelmed” is exactly how I felt. But I also shared:

2016 feels like a big year for our family: big dreams, big goals, big changes. And when I think about it all, I feel overwhelmed, anxious. But I have experienced God's faithfulness up close. I have seen Him carry us through a sorrowful 2015, and I know He can carry us through all the stuff that feels "Big" about this year too.

So I choose "Overwhelmed." Not overwhelmed by "Big" dreams and goals and changes, but by God's constant, "Big" presence in our lives.

Here’s the tagline I added, the one I have pondered the past few months: “Overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness more than my own anxiousness.”

Yes, He is so faithful.

Because I should also tell you that this is what we prayed to find. This new job in this new state that combines teaching and inner city missions is exactly what we prayed to find since our time in Guatemala. Husband applied there before we moved back to the States, but they had already hired. Last year we looked into it again, but then we lost Aliza.

But God kept putting it on our hearts, over the past two years He kept slowly paving the steps to this place, this job; this mission we desire to be a part of.

So no, it’s not easy. But what a delight. Beyond the exhaustion of the logistics behind another move and the deep ache of leaving people that we love, what a delight to follow where God leads. What a delight to feel God’s “I love you’s” when He says, See, I have given you this desire in your heart. Follow Me on the path that will take you there.

I’m not sure how, but I feel peace about it, peace way beyond my understanding. I’m sure whatever I must be hopped up on will eventually wear off and I’ll feel the frazzled mess of life we are headed towards. Until then, I’ll continue to let myself be overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed by His faithfulness more than my own anxiousness.

 

Grace and Peace,
Kendra

 

P.S. What do you feel overwhelmed by today? How do you see God faithfully providing for you as He leads where He wants you to go?